everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
