I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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