someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
