you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
