Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
