His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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