oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
