piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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