My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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