had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
