just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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