He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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