you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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