no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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