I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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