last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize