Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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