Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How's work?
Spinning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
