I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
