I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
