So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
