u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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