I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
