she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
