Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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