so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
