You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
