oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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