I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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