so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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