Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
