you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
