in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
