you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm at about main and main street
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
