I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
