How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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