for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
