we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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