if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
