Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
