oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
