i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
