hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
