I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
