saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
