Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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