It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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