The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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