The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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