the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
