Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
