while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize