I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your cock deserves a montage
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
