i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
