Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize