I didn't shave. On purpose
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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