He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
