Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
