Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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