At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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