Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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