My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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