dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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