i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
