Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
