Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh god it's open bar.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
