Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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