I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
