we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
