But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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