I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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